Episcopal Church Foundation Vital Practices

December 21, 2011 by Anne Ditzler

I realize, as I get older, that one of the best gifts is the gift of presence.

Last night I visited a friend, in part to drop off Christmas packages for her kids. This past year I’ve had a habit of spending many Tuesday nights at their house. Sometimes I show up to help with child care, so she can get a break while her spouse works late. Without kids of my own, it’s been delightful to cultivate relationships with little Hannah and Emma, becoming another trusted adult in their lives. But other times I come by so my friend and I can get a good long chat after the kids are in bed. It keeps us both sane.

Topics: Pastoral Care, Prayer & Reflection

Offering Hope and Healing: Stephen Ministry

December 14, 2011 by Joy Daley

On November 19, 2011 a service of Hope and Healing was held at The Church of the Transfiguration in Dallas Texas. This holiday prayer service provided a place of meaning and comfort for those experiencing the loss of a loved one. The parish’s Stephen Ministers sponsored and participated through candle lighting, reading scripture, and providing refreshments.

Stephen ministry has been active at Transfiguration for over twenty years. Laypeople are given 50 hours of training in the parish by Stephen Leaders who have attended a weeklong training program. Topics covered in the Stephen Ministry training include: The Person of the Caregiver, The Art of Listening, Crisis Theory and Practice, Confidentiality, and How to Refer to Mental Health Professionals. At the completion of training Stephen Ministers are commissioned during a Sunday Eucharist and then matched with someone in the parish who is dealing with a significant life challenge such the death of a loved one, a divorce, or caring for a family member with dementia.

Topics: Pastoral Care, Worship

Veterans Day: 11.11.11

November 10, 2011 by Nancy Davidge

Veterans Day: Is there a better time for congregations to ask how they might support returning troops and their families?

In today’s Huff Post Religion, G. Jeffrey MacDonald explores some of the ways faith groups are helping the more than 1.35 million veterans adjust to civilian life after deployments in Iraq and Afghanistan. MacDonald writes, “With symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) affecting an estimated one-in-six returning service members, congregations are coming face-to-face with the tolls of war. Experts say faith groups have much to offer, even when the wounds include PTSD and traumatic brain injury.”

Topics: Outreach, Pastoral Care

Vacation with a Difference

September 1, 2011 by Peter Strimer

Here was my job this week.

On behalf of the diocese, I led Vacation With a Difference, five days of relaxation at our diocesan retreat center, the St. Andrew’s House Conference Center. A dozen people came to the most beautiful place on earth and hung out.

People pay $90 a night for an all-inclusive meal and excursion program. We went for a two-hour boat ride on what is an actual fiord, the beautiful Hood Canal. We hiked mountain trails through old growth forest. We ate oysters right off the beach. We sang old folk songs by a fire each night.

We played Bananagrams.

Topics: Hospitality, Pastoral Care

Sharing Time

August 3, 2011 by Richelle Thompson

It's not easy to share my husband.

The call came about an hour before we planned to leave for a short-but-much-needed vacation. An elderly parishioner died, and the family wanted the funeral on Thursday, smack dab in the middle of our four-day retreat.

When your spouse is a priest, your time is not your own.

Sure, there are days when he can leave the church early to pick up the kids or take a long lunch to catch a movie. But people don't die at convenient times.

For four consecutive years on his birthday, my husband gave last rites. Once, the police came to our door in the middle of a birthday party. A man had been discovered in his trailer. No one knew which day he had died, but the police asked if my husband would come and provide some final prayers.

The guests and I waited.

On our first family vacation to Disney World, a call came. Parishioners had lost their baby. She was seven months pregnant and had to deliver her stillborn, first child. We cut short the trip and headed home. On another evening, we had just cleared the table to begin a wicked game of Euchre with friends, when the phone rang. A body was at the funeral home. Could he come and be with the family?

This is part of life, part of God's call to a priest, to be with the flock as they mourn. It is both a great privilege and an immense responsibility. But it isn't always easy.

As a spouse, it's hard to manage the conflicting emotions. It's like being held up in traffic because of a terrible wreck. In your heart, you know that it's much worse for those involved, that they never intended for this to happen, but in your mind, you're still frustrated.

Most of the time, I'm able to squelch that selfish disappointment about plans gone awry and empathize with the pain and sorrow of those dealing with loss.

But these are the moments that flash through my mind, especially when I hear the old, tired saw about priests working only one day a week.

Topics: Leadership, Pastoral Care

Administrator as Minister

July 13, 2011 by Anne Ditzler

When I called Gwen at 9:15 Monday morning the parish office was already abuzz. Gwen, our parish administrator, had just returned from a week vacation yet still took time for a long conversation with me. The purpose was a bit unusual – an interview in which I was seeking her input on the relationship of our parish to the young adult intern program we host. Gwen’s role as administrator and leading community member is critical. Interns pass by her desk every day on their way to work. She provides them with all kinds of information and advice about life in the parish and the city.

And, Gwen helps mentor them in questions of faith and vocational discernment.

Which got me thinking: What do parish administrators think of their role? Do members of the congregation, like me, really understand their job? I remembered my mom was once a parish administrator, so I called her to ask about her experience. I learned that she had worked in two settings: a parish in Massachusetts and the cathedral in Milwaukee.

Topics: Administration, Pastoral Care

T.R.U.E. Stories (True Relief of Urgent Emergencies)

May 17, 2011 by Miguel Escobar

Have you ever found yourself urgently needing cash assistance? Did you turn to your Episcopal Church?

Last week, I found myself wondering about the major forms of outreach ministries taking place in Episcopal congregations. After reviewing the following report, I learned that the most prevalent form (89%) is cash assistance. Food pantries, soup kitchens, and home-bound services follow shortly after.

I must admit that I was surprised to learn that cash assistance is the most prevalent form. Although I’ve realized from time to time that the rector of my parish has provided monies to people in urgent need, as a lay person I’m largely shielded from the private conversations where people ask for financial help.

Since stumbling across this fact, I’ve done some basic online searches of what Episcopal congregations and dioceses are saying about this ministry.

Topics: Advocacy, Outreach, Pastoral Care

Editor's Letter: Caring for Each Other

May 1, 2011 by Nancy Davidge

Our congregational life is a common life, complete with the joys and challenges that come from being in relationship. As congregational leaders, our role involves managing the sometimes ‘sticky wickets’ of relationship that hamper our work of building the beloved community.

The May/June issue of Vestry Papers explores the theme Caring for Each Other. We share resources and articles offering ways to model mutual respect and care with congregational leaders (lay and ordained, volunteer and paid) and the community as a whole.

Here’s what you’ll find in this issue of Vestry Papers:

Email and social media have changed how many of us communicate with each other. In “Tone Matters,” Scott Gunn looks at how the casual nature of this media can create opportunities for hurt feelings and offers steps you can take to minimize misunderstandings and create an environment of truthfulness and love. The regular flow of congregational life often includes people impacted by addiction and codependency. “So You Think You Don’t Know One” by Chilton Knudsen offers a look at the impact these issues can have on a congregation, identifying patterns and symptoms to look for as well as a call to mindfulness that can open the way to healing and a renewal of congregational health. There’s a correlation between highly functioning, fruitful vestries and a culture of respect, caring, and transparency. In “No More Parking Lot Conversations,” Nancy Davidge and Mary MacGregor explore ways congregational leaders can encourage a culture of mutual respect. Caring for each other includes treating people fairly. When it comes to our church employees, both clergy and lay, our commitment to being ‘fair’ often runs up against budget realities. “Valuing Lay Employees” introduces readers to the church-wide lay employee pension system mandated at the 2009 General Convention and the resources developed by the Church Pension Group to help congregations and church institutions discern how best to implement this benefit.

Recent Vital Posts blogs also offer resources related to this theme. What Miguel Escobar’s “Google and the Human Touch,” Peter Strimer’s “Who’s New and Who’s Missing,” and Richelle Thompson’s “Care and Feeding of Priests” have in common is a call to take one extra step in recognition of our relationship with each another. And, on June 1, we’ll post four new Vestry Papers articles on this theme.

Building healthier relationships in congregations is the theme of our VP Talk with retired bishop Chilton Knudsen on Thursday, May 19 at 7:00 pm ET. Using case studies from her book So You Think You Don’t Know One? Addiction and Recovery in Clergy and Congregations, Chilton will explore the theological dimensions and symptoms of addiction and codependency and offer strategies for congregational healing.

As always, I invite you to share your “Caring for Each Other” resources in the Your Turn section, by participating in VP Talks, and/or posting comments related to our articles, blog posts, or other content.

Working on this issue, I’ve developed a heightened awareness of the ways I interact with others and the intentional and unintentional messages I send with every action and communication. I invite you to join me in this intentional mindfulness.

Faithfully,

Nancy Davidge
Editor, ECF Vital Practices

PS: I invite you to join us on Thursday, May 26 at 1:00 pm ET, for a VP Talk, “Creating a Sustainable Community,” with Tracey Lind, dean of Trinity Episcopal Cathedral in Cleveland and Richard Horton, chair of Trinity’s Green Team. They’ll share how the Cathedral is using sustainability as a tool for evangelism and church growth as well as an economic engine for the rebuilding of a city and region, and the faith community’s role in that rebuilding.

Topics: Administration, Communications, Conflict, Leadership, Pastoral Care, Vestry

Rev. Peter J. Gomes, Harvard Minister, 68

March 2, 2011 by Valerie Bailey Fischer

While driving outside of Boston on Tuesday morning, I heard the bad news: Rev. Peter Gomes had died.

I was saddened by the news, but I also knew that I was not mourning alone. Like thousands of people in the communities of Boston and Cambridge, I had met Peter Gomes during one of his many speaking engagements.

Topics: Leadership, Pastoral Care

Refresh and Renew

February 24, 2011 by Nancy Davidge

On days when life gets overwhelming, I dream of leaving it all behind and going somewhere to nurture my soul and my dreams. A place where responsibility to family, work, and home can be forgotten; a place where I can explore and try on new identities and ways of being; a place where no one has any expectations for me.

Recently, I imagined taking part in an internship opportunity offered by the Society of Saint John the Evangelist. Setting aside the fact that I am outside of the desired age range, the opportunity to participate in the Brother’s daily rhythm of prayer and work, to live for a time in intentional service to God’s Mission, and live what appeared to be a simpler and slower life appealed to me.

Topics: Pastoral Care, Prayer & Reflection

Final Affairs

February 6, 2011 by Nancy Davidge

My 96 year old father-in-law passed away recently. Or, as the woman who called us at midnight said to my husband, "Your dad expired."

Bob died the way he lived: on his own terms. Fiercely independent, he resisted recent attempts by family to secure additional services for him; Bob was determined to take care of himself. He wanted to stay in his apartment, manage his personal care, and prepare his own meals. Family members suspected the end was near; travel plans were made to visit for what might be the last time. We were all too late.

Topics: Pastoral Care, Stewardship

El cuidado y la alimentación de los sacerdotes

January 31, 2011 by Richelle Thompson

En mis 14 años de haber estado casada con un sacerdote, fui testigo de todas las maneras posibles en que una feligresía cuida a su sacerdote.

No me malinterpreten, sé que la feligresía le paga a su sacerdote y que es tanto un empleo como una vocación, pero mi experiencia me ha llevado a creer que una manera de medir la salud de una iglesia es ver la manera en que interactúa con su sacerdote y lo cuida.

No creo que la riqueza de la feligresía – o la falta de ella – o la asistencia los domingos – alta o baja – sean factores que influyan en el cuidado y la alimentación de los sacerdotes. Hemos servido en una variedad de iglesias, desde en feligresías rurales pequeñísimas hasta grandes iglesias suburbanas, de creación reciente y de cabeza de condado.

El mejor ejemplo de una feligresía que cuida a su sacerdote es una comprometida a dar gracias por las pequeñas cosas. Los feligreses envían notas regularmente al sacerdote y a su familia. ¡Gracias por su ministerio!

Cada varios meses una feligresa da una tarjeta de regalo de $20 ó $50 para que el sacerdote salga a comer con su esposa o lleve a sus hijos al cine. Sabemos que este ministerio a veces es especialmente difícil para la familia.

La parroquia celebra el aniversario de su inicio con pasteles y tortas. Lo apreciamos.

En el aniversario de la ordenación, la parroquia ofrece plegarias especiales. Damos gracias a Dios por usted.

Cuando el sacerdote necesita un voluntario, la gente se ofrece. Cuando ven una oportunidad para misión, ofrecen liderarla, en lugar de quejarse o esperar a que el sacerdote haga todo el trabajo. ¿En qué puedo ayudar?

Sí, al sacerdote le están pagando por su trabajo en la iglesia y algunos pueden decir que la remuneración monetaria es suficiente. Pero dos cosas que cuentan mucho en las iglesias son las relaciones y la comunidad. Esperamos más de nuestros amigos y de nuestra familia que las transacciones requeridas y esperamos que nuestros jefes reconozcan nuestros esfuerzos.

Me parece (y admito que tengo un cierto sesgo) que si nuestras iglesias tomaran en serio el cuidado y la alimentación de los sacerdotes, esa bondad y ese espíritu de generosidad se diseminaría por la feligresía. Empezarían a interactuar con amor y misericordia entre sí, con gentileza y hospitalidad hacia los extraños.

¿Quién sabe cómo podría transformar eso a nuestras iglesias… y a nuestros sacerdotes?

Topics: Pastoral Care

Care and Feeding of Priests

January 31, 2011 by Richelle Thompson

Click here for a Spanish translation of this blog post.

In 14 years as a clergy spouse, I’ve witnessed the gamut of how a congregation cares for its priest.

Don’t get me wrong – I know that the congregation pays its priest – and this is both a job and vocation, but I’ve come to believe that one way to measure the health of a church is how it interacts and cares for its priest.

I don’t see the congregation’s wealth – or lack thereof – or Sunday attendance -- high or low -- as factors in the care and feeding of priests. We’ve served a variety of churches, from tiny country congregations to large suburban, a new start and county seat churches.

Topics: Clergy Transition, Pastoral Care

A New Program Goes Old-School

January 26, 2011 by Richelle Thompson

My church is going old-school with a new visitation program.

Like many Episcopal congregations, we have a growing number of elderly people and shut-ins who can no longer attend worship services. These are folks who have been faithful members for six or seven decades, giving of their time and talents until age or ill health confined them to home.

For years, the church has had a committed visitation program. But in the last few weeks, without spending any money, the program is expanding in new and creative ways.

Topics: Pastoral Care, Worship

Of Waiting and Ivory Towers

December 6, 2010 by Marie Harkey

I love Advent, now, but that hasn’t always been true. For almost my entire life, I described myself as impatient. “I hate waiting,” I used to say with a self-deprecating smile, as if this somehow made me a more productive person. Waiting. Who would want to do that?

Years ago, long before I ever consciously thought of changing my life entirely and going to seminary, I confided in a friend that I felt I was waiting for something, but I couldn’t figure out what. It was driving me crazy. I felt like a person in a hamster wheel, going over and over the same facts about my life. Nothing was wrong. What was I waiting for? I was frustrated. My friend reminded me that I needed to learn to just wait. “How can you ever be present to others in the same situation, if you don’t know how to be still and wait?”

Episcopal Church Foundation Vestry Papers - for leading congregations

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